I'm still here
by WoxwilltheOutlaw
Summary: AU type of Saix x Axel where Isa is still trying to get in contact with his best friend
1. chapter 1

Axel sat on top of the clock tower. It was becoming his regular spot. Too bad Isa--Saix had been acting strange. He didn't want to think that their friendship was ending.

Axel bit into his popsicle. The sweet taste seemed so bitter now. He planned to get two, then Isa said he wasn't in the mood.

His eyes started changing but he didn't think anything of it.

 **10 Years Later**

"Axel, you have a mission," Axel turned round and eyed Saix. His golden stare made his stomach turn. "Another task, boss?" Axel meant to joke, but he couldn't do that with him like this.

Saix found it peculiar that he would address him as such. Axel hadn't been the same since he started hanging around Roxas. "You have a mission in Neverland. A large heartless," Saix held down a bubble in his throat. He wanted to say something along the lines of: I'll come with you in case. "Alright. One large heartless for the Kingdom Hearts," Axel got up from the sofa in the Grey Area.

Saix handed him the mission card. He followed his hand, taking the card and for a moment, a set of scars along Axel's hand sewed.

 _Lea get down!!!_

 _I can reach it, Isa._

 _You don't have to get it! I'll buy another one!_

"Uh, Saix? You can let go of the card now," Axel tugged at the mission card. Saix was in a trance. He let go of the card. As Axel walked pass him into an open portal. A set of words escaped, "You shouldn't hang around Roxas so much."

Axel looked over his shoulder, "Huh?" He didn't want to say that, what made him say that? "Nothing... I'm just--," say something. "I'm worried your teeth will rot out your mouth eating so much ice cream." Stop hanging around him. "What?" Axel chuckled. "Not Saix being concerned with my well-being."

 _I never stopped being concerned_. "You should get to your mission."

 _You idiot! You cut your hand on the fence and everything._

 _You wanted the ball, right? We don't have a lot of money in our pockets. You've had this ball for a long time. Since your parents passed? It was your last birthday gift._

Axel took a step forward and stopped again. "Did I ever tell you thanks?" Axel raised a brow. "For the ball..."

"What... You remember that?"

 _I hate that I do_. "Something about my favorite ball... my last birthday gift. Why did you climb that fence?"

"Why did I climb it?" Axel tilted his head. "Because, you were my best friend. Anything you had, I cared about it. I knew you loved that ball, you'd probably be sad if something happened to it."

 _Not really_. "Is that it?" Saix said. "That's a dumb reason to get back a simple ball." _Thanks_.

Axel shrugged. "Of course you don't care now, but then. I didn't want to see you sad. I liked seeing you a little bit happy."

Me too. "Your an idiot."

 _That boy is an idiot!_

 _Lea may be stupid! But at least he's my idiot!_

A warm sensation wrapped around Saix's chest. "I know, ha ha." he waved his hand behind him as he walked through the portal.

 **10 Days Later**

Axel had gone away to Castle Oblivion. He should have said something. Although the plan was there and he asked Axel about it. He wondered if the news of the team being defeated by the keyweilder also meant Axel, Lea wouldn't be coming home.

"Hey, Saix, do you know when Axel is coming back?" Roxas asked with Xion by his side. He bit his inner cheek.

 _You stole him from me._ "A few operators are said to have disappeared. Axel may have been one of them."

"Huh? Axel got defeated?" Xion held her hand over her chest. She looked so much like Lea... he didn't care to admit it. _It's not him. Calm down._

"Don't you two have other manners to attend to? You shouldn't bother with things that don't concern you," Saix hissed. He's mine. Always have been. Always will.

"Axel's our friend!" Roxas stated. "We're worried! He's been gone a long time!"

"You wouldn't know friendship if it smacked you in the face," hissed Roxas. I know more about him. "He's just talking about himself, Roxas. Saix doesn't have friends because he's so mean," voiced Xion.

 _Shut up, you stupid puppet._ "Say what you want. The fact still stands, Axel isn't coming back," he sneered.

 _Hey Isa! I got a winner stick!_

 _A winner stick? What did you win?_

 _Well, I didn't have enough for two, so I used the one I ate to buy you one_

 _You didn't have to do that Lea!_

 _It's ok! Besides, I wouldn't want to rot out my teeth_

 **25 days later**

A ball had formed in Saix's chest. He couldn't breathe. _He isn't coming home. He isn't coming home. Lea..._

 _I lied. I lied. I lied!!!_

Saix glanced up. _Lea..._

He moved towards Axel coming from down the hall. You're okay. "Good to see you made it back in one piece," he said in his emotionless tone. I was scared I lost you.

"That's a big surprise," Axel teased. Saix examined his stature, is that a cut on his jacket? "What happened at Castle Oblivion?"

"Oh, keyweilder. Name's Sora. Nothing much happened. I got rid of some members like you asked," Axel walked on pass Saix. Saix grabbed his arm.

"Huh?" Axel's eyes widen. The bubble grew larger in his chest. I'm really happy you're okay. "I mean it," Saix addressed without looking at him.

"You mean what?"

"You should stop hanging around Roxas. He's rubbing off on you."

Axel narrowed his eyes and jerked away from Saix. No, I didn't mean it like that! Lea!!! Please!!!

"I'm off duty Saix. No more orders for today."

 **145 days later**

Saix caught himself gazing out the large window in the Grey Area. He gripped his chest thinking old memories he wanted to forget; memories he wished to keep aswell. He knew, he knew all too well that he was losing him.

 _Lea!!! It hurts!!_

 _Hang on Isa!_

His scar tingled when he thought about it. What was happening to him?

"Saix," a voice called out. Call me Isa again. "I did that mission last week you wanted. The heartless you asked about in Wonderland? The one that looked like the Cheshire Cat?"

"How did it go?" Saix kept his eyes on the window. "Well, Roxas and I--," _I'm your best friend!! Lea, I'm still here!!_ "Stop hanging around him!" Saix never yelled like that. He was almost begging--No, he was dying. Inside, _I'm still here, Lea_. But Lea couldn't hear; he couldn't see that.

"What is your problem with Roxas! I'm starting to think your jealous," Axel folded his arms. "Jealousy is an emotion of the heart," _I'm still here._ "It's a distraction from your duties, Axel."

"I like the distraction...," Axel retorted. "I like going to the clock tower with Roxas and Xion; I like the distraction!"

 _Why?_ "Why? What do you gain from it?" Saix imposed. Axel held his lips tight. **I miss the way you were. Back when I could call you my best friend. What happened to you?** "It helps me," he said. "Helps with what?" Saix turned around. He blinked his eyes in a rapid manner. A choking sensation throbbed at his throat. Axel looked at his toes. He glanced up. "It helps me forget about you." That was a lie. Saix's breath hitched. _You don't really mean that... Say you don't miss me!_

 **I use to call you my best friend, but now your becoming my enemy**

 _I'm still here..._

 **Remember when I laughed and joked with you.**

 _I'm still here..._

 **You were fun to be around. I loved you.**

 _I'm still here!_

 **225 Days Later**

Axel sat on the clock tower by himself. He waited for Roxas and Xion. He bit into the ice cream as painful memories raced in his head.

 _If you eat it too fast you'll get brain freeze._

 _I can't help it. It's so good!_

 _You idiot..._

"Hey Axel!" Axel looked to his left. For a moment he wanted someone else to be there. "Hey, buddy"

Where did you go?

"You know whether Xion is coming?" asked Roxas. I hope so. I need a distraction. "She's probably still doing recon." Axel handed Roxas an extra ice cream. The blond smiled, "Eating without us? That's mean Axel," Roxas jest.

 _You ate my ice cream too!_

 _You were late and I got bored. It was melting. What was I suppose to do? Let it melt?_

 _Yes!! I was waiting for a good treat._

 _Well, be here early. Ice cream shop is closed anyhow._

"Sorry, it was getting late and the ice cream was melting. I can't let a good treat like this go to waste," he sighed. "Nobody appreciates good ice cream like I do."

"Melodramatic much?" Roxas punched him playfully in the arm.

Axel smirked, "A little bit..."

 **I wonder everyday... if your still there**


	2. 2

**A Way Back Memory**

"Isa! Wait up!"

Isa stopped in his tracks and turned round. He couldn't help but smirk. Obnoxious as he was. He believed he liked him because of the goofy grin he could put on his face.

Lea caught up to him. He heaved before speaking. "Did you run all this way?" Isa assumed. "Yeah..." he arched his back still trying to catch his breath. Lea went through his pockets and pulled out a pair of earrings. "Happy Birthday!"

 **The World That Never Was**

Saix called it asking rhetorical questions. Why was the city all was so dark? Why do so many heartless roam the street of the dimly lit city? Why did Axel--Lea hang around Roxas so much?

"He hates me...," he was talking to himself. _Look at what you've done. I lost my best friend because of you!_

 _That was Isa._ "This is what you wanted. I'm granting your wishes," he truly didn't understand. Why was he trying to break free from him. "I don't understand, Isa."

 _You never understand! I love him... that's... that's..._ "What is it?" he asked the boy within him. _That's all I got!_

 **Radiant Garden**

"Isa! Lock up while we're gone. Me and Your father are going shopping. We'll be home soon," called his mother. A woman resembling her son. Wavy blue hair and cold blue eyes.

"Okay Mom!"

 _You never know when you'll lose someone. We lived in a decent home. Radiant Garden wasn't always happy. At least not for everyone. If i can remember, we lived near the slums. When my parents came home from shopping. I thought maybe I'd go--I don't know what I thought._

"Mom, I'm going out. I'll be back soon," he said as he walked out the door. "Come back safe Isa," his mother announced.

 _I didn't tell her where. Maybe I should have._

"Get off me!" three boys tossed Isa to the ground. "Hey, Look Kel. He must be rich, look at those clothes!"

"I told you before. I don't have anything!" he could have protested all night. It didn't matter. The three thugs had him cornered in an alley. The wet ground soaked his jeans. "Those are some nice earrings you got," the boy named Mel bent down and played with his earrings. Isa slapped his hands away. "Don't touch me!" he barked.

 _Someone very special gave them to me. I wouldn't dare let anyone take them._

"A girlfriend?" Mel smirked. His red eyes flashing as a grin stretched across his lips. "So, what's the bitch's name?"

"It's not a girl! My best friend gave me these!" his hands flung to his ears. Mel gasped, he stuck out his tongue. "A boy?" he gagged. "What are you? Some kind of funny boy!?"

 _I never thought about what he said to me. I didn't realize it until the first day. Sometimes I still touch my lips._

Mel scoffed, "Alright," he stood over Isa. He should have told his mother where he was going. Mel saddled him on the ground. "I'll get up if you give me a kiss."

The brown haired boy puckered his lips. "GET OFF!" Isa struggled beneath him. "What's wrong? Haven't you kissed your boyfriend yet?"

Two other boys laughed behind him. "Get off me!" Isa bellowed. Mel sneered, "Fine... but I can't let you leave without something. Bell, get the knife," Mel ordered. Bell was a tanned skin boy with odd pink eyes and scar across his left eye. Isa watched him drag a silver blade from his back; he struggled more.

Bell handed the knife to Mel. "This isn't going to hurt you," he licked the blade and held Isa's face down in place. "Stop it!"

"One last chance, give me those earrings!"

 _I would never hand over something he gave me. It was my last gift. My real gift. I never got to give him anything. I think his birthday passed..._

 **10 days later**

"Ugh..." Isa ruffled his hair. He was beyond frustrated. "I have to get something."

"Isa! Come down stairs. There's someone here to see you," announced his mother. The bandages around his face itched, but he couldn't scratch. He went downstairs as told. His mouth dropped. Lea's face was bruised, his lip swollen and scratches around his nose. "Hey, Isa!"

"Lea..."

"Heard you came to look for me yesterday!" Lea beamed. "Yesterday? Isa, you said you went to the market," Isa's mother frowned. Lea clasped his hands over his mouth.

Isa's mother placed her hands on her hips. "So that nasty scar across your face came from the slums?"

Isa shuddered. "S-Sorry mom"

"Isa you could have seriously been hurt!" she chastised. "D-Don't be mad at him! It's my fault! Isa came to see me...," Lea protected. Isa's mother glared then faced her son. "I see... then it's obvious.

 **YOU AREN'T ALLOWED NEAR LEA AGAIN**

 _Mother kept me in the house. She was in control all the time. Father didn't object to the decision. I could have begged and pleaded. But no, my family kept me inside; to stop me from seeing him._

 _No longer did I have ice cream with someone. I blamed myself. Maybe that was my motive._

 _I just wanted to see him..._

 **The Grey Area**

Axel had his arms behind his head. He listened to the conversations in The Grey Area. **I need a distraction.**

"Hey Axel!" he jolted and looked in the corner of his eye. "It's vacation. What do you want to do?" Roxas asked.

"Vacation?"

 _Lea!! I'm out of school for a whole week. Let's go do something!_

 _Huh? You mean I can spend time with you?_

Axel's eyes swelled. "Axel...? Are... Are you okay?" Roxas reached out his hand.

 _You big baby, I'll be fine. It's just a paper cut!_

"I-I'm fine," he could smile in his face all day but would it make that hole in his chest fill up? "Don't worry about me."

"If you say so. You've been acting really strange Axel," Roxas arched a brow. "Huh? Really? What have I been doing that's so weird?" Please don't ask. "You seem distracted like you can't focus on the field. We went out for ice cream and you bought four. You didn't even eat both."

 _Save it for me, okay?_

"Oh? I guess that is a weird thing to do," he scratched the back of his head. "You know. I've been working really hard. It's the lack of sleep, but I promise I'll be fine"

 _You're acting weird. Are you mad at me?_

 **I wonder do you blame me? You came looking for me. I made it just the two of us. To be honest, even though it was selfish, I'm happy it happened. Because I got to see you more.**

 **Sometimes I hate you.**

 **I could never hate you.**

X

Lea and Isa roamed around the plaza at night. Lea told Isa to tip toe. "Lea what are we doing?" he asked. The scar on his face had healed into an ugly shape. "We have to eat, right?" Lea moved over to a food stand in the market. He took an apple and tossed it to Isa.

He fumbled the apple. Lea took another one and smiled. "We can't survive on ice cream," Lea jest. Isa's eyes expanded, "Your stealing..."

"I mean yeah," Lea responded with a mouth full of apple. A hard object hit his chest. He looked down to see the apple he gave Isa rolling on the floor. "Is this what you did to buy me these earrings!"

"Why did you throw that at me?"

"Did you steal the earrings, Lea!?" Isa shouted. His face red and heart tangled. Too much was happening. "Isa, it's not a big deal!"

"It is a big deal!" he took off the earrings. "Here I am following you! If I had known you did this. Maybe, just maybe, my mom would still be here!"

Did you hate me?

"Don't blame me for that--,"

"I do! I do blame you. I snuck out the house for you. She told me to stop hanging around you. If I stayed home, mom--mom--she would still be here!"

"You think you could have stopped that weird monster!" Lea spat. "I saved you! If you didn't follow me, if I hadn't begged you, and put on a sad face. You wouldn't be here! I SAVED YOU."

"I WISHED YOU'D LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't want to be out here with you!"

 **I could never leave you alone. I love you too much for that. We exchanged words in anger. I wonder every day, if you hate me for that.**


	3. 3

"Stop struggling!" Saix commanded, clenching his chest in immense pain. He used the walls in the hall to support himself as he attempted to hold the boy in darkness.

Let me out!! I want to see him! "There's nothing you can do for him now. Just accept it," Saix heaved. "You've lost your best friend..."

 _No, I haven't! And you're going to be the one to get him back!! A light shined from Saix's chest. It took his breath away; Isa appeared in front of him, resembling a younger version of himself Short blue hair and blue eyes. You're the part of me. That I regret!_

"You signed the contract... You can't back out now..."

 _The prize isn't worth this... It's dark, it's suffocating; I can't see or breathe!_ "You're only putting him in danger if you see him now. Do you really think he wants to view the monster you've become? Submerged in darkness?"

He knew. He knew all too well, yet it was a strong sense of duty.

 _He'll hate him. He'll be angery, but not for long. Best friends can be mad at each other, but they don't leave. Their always there..._

 ** _NOW GO GET MY BEST FRIEND BACK!!_**

X

Axel sat in his room. His mind was thinking about things he didn't want to think about at that time.

 _Isa?_

 _Your a huge idiot._

 _Why are you in the hospital? What's wrong?_

 _It'll pass... Don't worry._

 _You didn't come home last time. I was scared._

 _Aren't you tired of protecting me? How many times have you ran to me?_

 _Doesn't matter. You're my best friend. It's not a job but it is my job! I'm going to find a way to get you better..._

 _You idiot. This isn't an illness that goes away with magic._

"You're the idiot. Now look at you. I can't save you now.

 **I wonder... can you hear me? Are you that far gone? You hate it, you feel weak for it. Why? Why can't I love you the way I want to?**

 _AHHHH_

 _Don't move! Keep still!_

 _IT HURTS... LEA_

 _Are you Lea? Isa wants to see you. You two must be good friends. You've been here every week._

 **I haven't left... I'm still here.**

X

 **The World That Never Was**

I refuse to lose him!

Saix was racing down the halls. He stopped Roxas in the corridor."Where is he?" he held his arm firmly. "Uh? Who?"

"Lea--Axel!!"

"Ah, his room? He's been acting strange lately," Saix pushed Roxas aside and hurried to Axel's room. Roxas rubbed his upper arm.

 _Lea!_

 _Axel!_

What did he do? It wasn't worth it if it meant he would never see him. They grew up together. He was the only...

 _Isa your a punk. You think you're better than everybody._

 _Why would you say that?_

 _No one wants to be friends with you because your stuck up!_

He didn't think that. Lea never once told him he was stuck up or boring. He wanted to be friends!

 _Lea... why do you hang out with me?_

 _Huh? Well, I like you. I call you my friend!_

 _But I'm not... fun_

He still dragged him to places. They did everything together. Why would he throw that away. He wouldn't find another. He couldn't lose him now!

"Axel!" he barged into the room and there was nothing. "Lea?"

He was too late...

A thought came to his mind. No. He could still save it. Twilight Town, he was always there!

X

 **You hated Sea Salt Ice Cream. I still think you only ate it to please me. You turned your nose up. Ice cream doesn't taste as good. In fact, it's all salt.**

Axel sighed, his ice cream was melting as his legs dangled over the Tower. "How did this fall apart? What happened to you?

 _Lea, can you bring me an ice cream?_

 _While in the hospital? Is it okay to?_

 _I don't care if it is or not. I want to have ice cream with you again. That's all._

"Hey there, knucklehead," echoed a cold tone. Axel raised his eyes. He wanted his eyes to lie. "I wanted you to be up here."

His lips trembled, **say something**. His eyes, they weren't gold. **Isa?** "I'll admit, a part of me was looking to have ice cream with you. Don't tell me you ate it all, again!"

 **Isa...**

Axel stumbled to get up. Saix stood behind him and launched forward when he thought the red head would fall. "I'm--I'm fine," Axel gasped.

Saix grinned, "What's wrong with you? I know your clumsy, but not reckless. Scratch that, maybe a lot."

Axel stood frozen. His eyes, oh how he missed those blue eyes. "You can stop looking at me now...," Saix chuckled. "You gave me that same look when I got my scar. Is there something on my face?

Axel's lips parted, that choking feeling added with the pressure in his eyes. What was he trying to hold back? "I know I haven't been the "good" or "best" friend. Axel I--I just wanted to see you. You're probably in shock. I wanted to let you know... I'm still--"

He stumbled backwards. Hands clasping his hips and lips upon him. Axel held him close. A heat like no other emitted in his chest. Odd yet pleasurable. Saix moaned in the kiss and shut his eyes. You idiot, you shouldn't do that.

 _I told you... I LIKE you!_

 _If Mel finds out he'll call us funny boys_

 _What's wrong with being a funny boy? Besides, isn't that what you wanted to tell me at the Hospital? You love me?_

Axel pulled away, "Well, Are you that happy to see me?" he tittered.

"I guess so...," I'm elated. "But how?"

"I broke free. I couldn't help it any longer. You haven't changed. Your still the Lea I remember! I kept thinking, you must hate me now. Do you? Lea?" **I don't hate you. I am mad at you for leaving me alone. I hate that you left.**

"Of course not. I missed you," Axel sniffled. "Hold on! I'll get some ice cream!"

X

Bitter sweet would be the right word for the moment. He couldn't take his eyes off of him. Was it really him?

Saix took a bite from the ice cream. He glanced at Axel, "Whats wrong? You haven't stopped looking at me," he smirked. Axel flushed. "You aren't... here. Are you really back to your old self?"

Saix licked his ice cream, "It's me...," he avoided his eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did."

"Why? Why did you side with darkness? You scared me..."

"I know and it was foolish," _But I had a good reason._

Axel shook his head, "You're an asshole, but your my asshole."

Saix grinned, a wave of emotions washed him. "Lea... maybe we can do something. Like the old times. Maybe Xemnas will let me go on missions with you!"

"Huh? You mean it?"

Saix nodded, _I can't keep him buried forever. So, I want to make the time and memories while I'm still here..._

"Come on! Remember when we where kids? We snuck into the Castle in Radiant Garden. Dilan threw us out and we went and ate ice cream. Even though it was a complete failure... What did you use to say?" he mused. "Ah! The icing on the cake!"

 **You really are here.** "Yeah... I did say that."

Saix beamed and looked towards the horizon. "Do you still remember why the sun sets red?"

Axel's left hand slid over to Saix's. "Yeah...," the ice cream Axel held slipped from his hand. "I remember."


End file.
